The Wandering Shadow Wonders

The Holy C...ya its a C word alright but it aint church

Sat, 31 May 2008 03:12:46 GMT

So they are at it again…..and frankly I have had enough

No I am not talking about Fox Studios, or The people who make Ashley Judd movies

I am talking about those Catholics….those “Wacky Catholics as my mother puts it.

For those who haven’t read the news either today or yesterday the people at the Vatican have come down from on high and have now threatened people with Excommunication if they ordain women priests and the women with excommunication themselves.

It is simple bullshit….four years of high school dealing with this idiocy

Here we have an organization who claims to founded on the premises of peace and love saying quite simply either toe the line or go to hell…..literally. And before you say that’s not what they are saying let me show you something:

The term excommunicate means to reject or through out an individual from a church (look it up come on…….see). And since the Holy C thinks there’s is the only path to God they are simply saying go to hell if you don’t keep in line.

Is there something wrong with the idea of women priests….I mean why should the males have all the fun molesting the children……….Oh wait too soon?. You play shell games with priests who are abusing kids….like “find the pedophile…three turns for a dollar”…..but the idea of women in the church causes you to come down and say no this is wrong.

Where was this moral indignation when there were rumors of the priests doing this to children?…I guess it takes two hands to be angry and with the kids around they only had one free…

Most people would argue that there is a concept in the church that women are separate but equal….so they are not like us but they are still ok? When has the us and them mentality ever worked?

Or some would say what about the whole idea that the church shouldn’t change due to public opinion. Well to those people I would say this: there are these things call books and in them you can find amazing things like: The church had no real problem with the idea of slavery or burning “witches” but when public opinion turned against them things went from its ok to it’s a sin a tad quick.

But hey that was the past right…I mean the church hasn’t really screwed up in the past few years right? Well minus the kids thing? And you know what your right. I mean aside from Pat Robertson saying that the Presbyterians and Methodists are the sprit of the antichrist. Or that he has rumored to blame Katrina on the fact the Ellen DeGenerous was from New Orleans. And lets not even get started on Jerry Farwell’s link between 9/11 and homosexuality.

But wait I am off topic aren’t I? Not really…religion in theory is great but its track records isn’t great when it comes to respecting minority rights. I mean the get off the Catholics (insert small child joke here), The Orthodox Jews make men and women sit separate often with women in the back and lets not get started with Islam and women. Also both those groups have their respected issues with Gay rights and other stuff too.

Don’t get me wrong I have many friends of many faiths and have tremendous respect for a great part of the various institutions. I have gone to temple and mass and even been a part of an Islamic wedding but let’s call it as it is: Its hate cloaked in the veil of religion.

How do we ever expect violence against gays or women or anyone to go down when religion stands up there and says they aren’t equal or what they are is a Sin and Evil. Its endorsed bigotry. And what’s worse? They get away with it under the view of freedom of religion and choice.

We are giving tax credits to people who say some people are better than others based on their gender or sexuality. I mean if the KKK applied for a tax credit people would scream fuck off you sheet wearing southern mother fuckers but religion gets away with it because its religion ?? Where is the logic there?

Hate is hate whether it comes at you pierced and tattooed or clothed in holy vestments, and the fact we let it slide because it is religion undermines the ideas we as a race should strive for.

So if the religions of the world don’t want to play by the rules of the country they are in, then either pay for the right to discriminate like any other club/organization who has rules about who they let in (aka give up your tax credits) or get the hell out.

http://www.macleans.ca/world/wire/article.jsp?content=w053073A
http://www.thestar.com/article/434298
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24878944/

How Joel spent his thanksgiving

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 19:21:43 GMT

Thu, 24 May 2007 04:37:35 GMT

Meanwhile back in San Francisco
I try hard to make this whole thing blend,
As we sit upon this jagged story block
With you my friend.

And it's a long way to Buffalo.
It's a long way to Belfast city too.
And I'm hoping that Joyce won't blow the hoist
'Cause this time, they bit off more than they can chew.

About being human

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 06:52:17 GMT

You know sometimes I think it’s very funny to be human. I mean there isn’t a lot to be compared too, I mean as far as I know I have never been anything but human, however sometimes I like to take a step back and look at what it means to be human from what could be considered an objective or curious stand point.

I mean the first thing that springs to mind is language. I mean I dig language, word play, subtle jokes, triple meanings and word puzzles are things that I really enjoy. I like stories and jokes, and just chatting and debating things with people (sometimes to the point of insanity depending on who you ask). However I also hate language, I find it so limiting at times. I mean what it means to be an individual, our true thoughts and feelings are often so raw and so powerful that when we attempt to say what we mean or feel it is often deluded and watered down and this can be incredibly frustrating. I mean the joy I feel when playing with “Baby Gumba”, the rage I feel when people I care about are suffering, the helplessness I feel when I can’t help people in the ways I want to. The words joy, rage, and helplessness; these words give a rough impression of what I feel but often I feel words are not enough. True emotion and what could be true thoughts are often locked up inside a person because language is so limited, language can bring us together but it also keeps us apart and alone.

I think that’s one of the reasons people are drawn to music. Not only does music have words but it also something else. The sounds in music, there is something intrinsic to it. I mean when you listen to classical music for example, it can make you feel something, it resonates for a reason and often you can share this with people even though nothing is being said in any sort of linguistic way. Sitting around you can go “You know this sounds like the music is _____” and people can agree but often they can’t tell why. I think that’s incredible, that people can hear something and share that feeling with someone. I think sometimes to share music is much more personal than to share words with people, because while words can be powerful I don’t think anything can be felt or expressed by a person like music can be.

Another thing I find curious about being human is our limitless and yet limited power. I mean on the one hand we as a species have not only done things that have exceeded our original structural design (I mean humans weren’t built to fly and yet we can, we weren’t meant to go to the bottom of the ocean and come back but we do) but we are also able to transcend our environment. I mean we have gone to another planet, we have sent stuff to distant planets and stars. I mean imagine if you saw a fish climb out of a river and drive a car. You would freak out and rightfully so because fish belong in the water (or on my dinner plate ;) ) not in a car. People belong on earth, its our environment, its where we live and yet we have gone beyond it, we have traveled beyond our physical and environmental limitations into new and alien ones. On the flip side often we are so helpless its scary. Talk to anyone who as ever seen a loved one hurt and there was nothing you could do, ask them what its like. We can send people to the moon but we can’t comfort those close to us when they really need to. When something bad happen to someone we care about and we can’t do anything but watch, tell me what it is like to be powerful then. It’s an interesting dichotomy then.

However one of the most interesting things I think about being human is how we relate to the ones we care about. I mean people care about people, its what we do. We try and spend time with those close to us, help them, love them, enjoy their company, try and find ways to connect with them and all that stuff. However we also hurt the ones we love; we lie so they don’t see our short comings or to protect ourselves, we run from them when they need us, we ignore those close and take them for granted because they have always been there and we figure they always will, we let people into our weird little inner worlds and often the people we let in use those inner world to hurt us either intentionally or not. We sever the connection so easily that are so important to us. We care and trust people, people who are flawed just like us, do both good and bad just like us, who can help or destroy just like us, we let people like that in, its almost crazy.

But why do we care? Why do we let people in? Why do we care about people even though we wind up hurting them? I like to think we do that because we are searching for that connection, to feel a little less alone in life, because ultimately we are driven to find each other. It’s that reason we care, we care because we want to, because we chose to, we care because it is important and for all the damage that we inflict on each other the connection to people out weighs the risk of the damage we will do So when we hurt, ignore, neglect or even lie to each other it may not be forgiven I think at the very least it should be understood it is simply a part of being human. I think if we sometimes cared more about what we do for others and how they feel rather than what they do for us and how they make us feel it wouldn’t necessarily eliminate how we hurt people but it would at least make it less common and less serve.

Just my thoughts on the human animal, myself included.

I know this rant or whatever this was seems kind of random but it isn’t. It comes from what’s going on right now and where my head is at.

Borrowed From Sam

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 08:51:12 GMT

1: What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
Make 2 short films, go to Montreal, go to Ireland, hit 3 clubs in one night

2: Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I do make those sort of things

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?
yup

4: Did anyone close to you die?
Not yet...but it is looking to be soon

5: What places did you visit?
Ireland, Montreal, Bellville, St. Thomas

6: What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Peace and quite...and a WII

7: What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?
The whole Ireland trip and Montreal trip

7: What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating, making 2 short films

8: What was your biggest failure?
Not being motivated enough

9: Did you suffer illness or injury?
messed up my knee a couple times and Joel jumped on my back and I was in some intense pain for awhile

10: What was the best thing you bought?
My plane ticket, my new computer, my video camera, my gym member-ship

11: Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My friends and Joel

12: Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
in 2006? Rose

13: Where did most of your money go?
Thats a good question.........I dont really know

14: What did you get really, really, really excited about?
People, a book store, some movies, shooting my movies

15: What song/album will always remind you of 2006?
There's a collection of songs.

16: Compared to this time last year, are you...

1. happier or sadder? Happier.
2. thinner or fatter? Better built, i got a clearly defined washboard now
3. richer or poorer? both

17: What do you wish you’d done more of?
see the people i care about, had more free time

18: What do you wish you’d done less of?
school work and work work

19: How will you be spending Christmas?
In Apsley with family

20: Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
4 crazy stubbron women: Sam, Danielle, My Grandmother, My Mother

21: Were you in love in 2006?
I dont know I need a judgment call..........does it count?

22: How many one night stands in this last year?
A gentlemen doesnt kiss and tell

23: What was your favourite TV program?
House, Carnivale, Battlestar (I am getting on that show people), Studio 60 on the sunset strip, DEXTER!!!!!!!!, Boston Legal, Shark (for unobvious reasons)

24: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I hate who I hate about the same......there is just one new person

25: What was the best book(s) you read?
WORLD WAR Z..............READ IT, oh and love monkey

26: What was your greatest musical discovery?
New age blue ( I mainly like the old school stuff)

27: What did you want and get?
Leather jacket, HD video camera, new computer, plane tickets, a really through hair cut

28 What did you want and not get?
Plenty of things

29 What were your favourite films of this year?
Too many to list

30: What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 23, and people went out to jackastors....well the day after...on the actual day the curse struck again

31: What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
not sure

32: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Re-vamped

33: What kept you sane?
wasnt sane to begin with

34: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
LANA.............LANA.....................oh and Sara Rameriza (Callie from Greys Anatomy)

35: What political issue stirred you the most?
Eugenics

36: Who did you miss?
A few people....but they are dead and gone so no new change there

37: Who was the best new person you met?
Deanna

38: What was the biggest surprise in 2006?
Joel

39: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006...
hmmmmmmm oh wait i got one: In the end it's never about speed or slick moves or razor-sharp reflexes. It's about what you can take. It's about how much painyou can absorb. How many times you can hit the mat, bloody and dazed, and still get up.

Mr. Sandman...bring me a dream

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:02:16 GMT

So I finally got around to reading Neil Gainmen Sandman books and found this lovely quote/speech I would like to share in honour and on behalf of one person, who will no doubt read this and know who they are and who is of a similar mind set.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

The character "Rose Walker" in The Sandman #65

A favour to ask

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 09:05:07 GMT

Most people know that it’s hard for me to ask for close personal favours

However if anyone could light a candle or say a prayer or something for my Grandmother I would appreciate it.

You Have To See This

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 06:16:12 GMT

Click Me

Ok so this is an area I dont usually touch but......

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 02:19:33 GMT

Ok so I don't normally chime in on race relations. Its not so much that I don't have an interest in race but its more so in the fact that when it comes down to it, I tend to not care from a race relation point of view (I love the various histories of various cultures/races). White, Brown, Asian, Black, Purple, its all kind of the same to me. In the end I dont care what you are, I just care who you are (granted I am more inclinded to try some peoples foods over others but thats about it). I am opening to liking, loving, hating and ignoring just about anyone.

However keeping that in mind, I have been following this whole Michael "Kramer" Richards incident and I found something that has an intersting take on the whole issue. It isn't a whole: "Let's kill him thing", Nor is it a "Let's let him off the hook". Its more akin to "Hey isnt this odd?"

Enjoy and as always comments are welcome, just keep them clean.

‘Kramer’ takes heat off Fox, O.J.

Richards' rant continues to draw ire while 'If I Did It' faux pas fades away

COMMENTARY

By Frazier Moore

Television Writer

The Associated Press

Updated: 12:47 p.m. ET Nov 28, 2006

NEW YORK - The Fox network let down a lot of people who, having worked themselves into a lather over the O.J. Simpson interview, were about to get even angrier once Fox put it on the air.

Then Fox owner News Corp. yielded to the growing uproar and yanked the two-part TV special, "If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," which had been set for broadcast this week. News Corp. boss Rupert Murdoch also spiked the accompanying book that likewise promised to describe how Simpson might have committed the two murders for which he was acquitted a decade ago.

With this abrupt cancellation, all the condemnation aimed at project mastermind Judith Regan, Murdoch, Fox and Simpson himself was stranded, prematurely, with no place to go.

But it quickly found a convenient new outlet. On the very same day, actor-comedian Michael Richards was swamped in his own scandal after being captured on video hurling racist epithets at a comedy club audience.

He was the ideal diversionary target. Thus did Kramer take heat for O.J. and Fox.

Granted, to relate Richards in most any way to Simpson might seem preposterous. And to lump Richards' bigoted rant with a double homicide is idiotic.

But until just days ago, Richards was loved as eccentric neighbor Cosmo Kramer on those funny "Seinfeld" reruns. Now Richards, scarcely heard from since the show wrapped in 1998, finds himself reappraised as a has-been and, worse, a party to the brand of racial divisiveness that Simpson widely represents.

Late-night connection drawn
This Simpson-Richards connection was drawn on the Monday, Nov. 20 "Late Show with David Letterman." Dave had news of the canceled Simpson interview in his monologue, which segued seamlessly into a joke about Richards' racist rant.

Soon Richards made his painful satellite appearance. The rambling explanation he gave seemed to boil down to a fit of rage (that his stand-up act had been disrupted by members of the audience) given even freer rein in a desperate bid to shock his audience for comic effect (perhaps to demonstrate "If I Was a Racist, Here's What I Would Say").

More than a week later, Kramer is still running the gantlet of apologies. He's trying to convince the public, and the black community in particular, that he is no racist — just someone who made a terrible mistake, is now deeply sorry, and (as he told "Late Show" viewers) needs "to do personal work."

Nonetheless, the three-time Emmy winner may forever be known for those outbursts caught on a club-goer's cell phone. No laughing matter at the Laugh Factory, it left Richards, with his full participation, as the latest case of collateral damage in YouTube Nation.

But what of Fox's sordid enterprise?

Pulling the plug on "If I Did It" cost the network a few million dollars. But that's chump change for nipping this scandal in the bud, with no further backlash from what Fox pre-sold as a confession by Simpson that indeed he butchered two people — ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ron Goldman — then beat the rap.

To their credit, ABC and NBC reportedly had nixed the Simpson interview — not that anyone at those networks is likely to have taken a moral stand when saying no. More probable: O.J. Simpson just didn't jibe with the image cultivated by their respective parent companies, Walt Disney Co. and General Electric Co. (MSNBC is a joint venture between NBC and Microsoft)

'Fox will be Fox'
Fox, by contrast, doesn't even have an image it needs to preserve. "Fox will be Fox" sums up the network's shameless doctrine, which routinely is pushed to the limit (and sometimes beyond) by longtime head of alternative programming Mike Darnell.

Darnell is the man behind such fare as "World's Scariest Police Shootouts," "Joe Millionaire," "Temptation Island" and, of course, the notorious "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" — the 2000 "reality" special whose pairing of Rick Rockwell with Darva Conger was a con job in ways that even caught Fox by surprise.

"This is an interview that no one thought would ever happen," Darnell said in announcing "If I Did It" a few weeks ago. And, thanks to Fox's subsequent damage control, it's as if the interview never did happen. But should Fox be let off the hook for ditching a show that should never have been made in the first place?

Is there a double standard here? Richards, however shamed and contrite, may never be excused for his offense. Yet Fox, despite having overplayed its hand, can write off its own race-baiting miscalculation as the cost of doing business, then carry on with its devil-may-care games.

There is no repentance, no reform in the Fox game plan. And none demanded by the public. So what can viewers look for next time? Certainly not "If Fox Did It: Here's How This Network Could Be Socially Responsible." For Fox, pretty much anything still goes.

Took me awhile but I taught joel this song

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 15:39:12 GMT

Random Thoughts

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 06:19:58 GMT

So it turns out I may have to work more hours to make more money so I can go and buy books that can help lead me to something which will cause me to spend more money which means I will have to work more so I have less time to read the books that I am buying in the first place.

And who said my logic was ever sound

The Dixie Chicks and a Rant

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 20:08:49 GMT

So I don’t normally dedicate an entry to a person or a group but I heard, saw and experienced something that made me change my mind.

First off there is the Dixie Chicks.

I am not a big country fan, my tastes tend towards more towards blues and rock, but I was aware of their existence and have heard a couple of their songs.

However I saw a movie the other day called shut up and sing and I found a new found respect for them. The movie portrays the backlash they experienced as a result of one of the members Anti bush comment.

Now I understand some people hate bush and some people love him. To me frankly I don’t care or give him much thought. However what got me in this movie were 2 things. The first was the people who bashed the Dixie chicks for attacking freedom. I found this most curious…..isn’t freedom of speech a freedom? I mean you don’t have to call in death threats just because someone said something you don’t disagree with. Get. A. Life. I mean she said something that bugged you…big deal…odds are you have said something to offend someone at some other point…shall we let that person blow you away with the largest weapon they can find….I didn’t think so.

The second thing I noticed that really made me take a shine to the Dixie Chicks is that even though one of them said the comment and they other 2 could have sold her out, they kept saying “we”, “us”. Not “her” or “she”. They were a group and they stuck together even though they risked their lively hood and in some cases lives. That’s loyalty you don’t really see anymore, that’s something to be proud of. I mean how easy it would have been for the other 2 to sell the 1 out and move on to money and fame and all that stuff. How tempting is money and peace and fame, can you say you would do the same? Can anyone really say they could? It is an interesting question but a very important we need to ask ourselves.

So congrats to you Dixie Chicks, I think out of this you have found more fans and admires than you had before. And here is a song they wrote about the whole thing:

Not Ready To Make Nice
By The Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

Moving onto my second topic

Ok this is for one specific group of people, I dealt with them a lot in the past and I have something to say:

I am tired ok, your all FREAKING crazy. I mean for a group of people who seem nice, I have yet to meet one person from this group who doesn’t have father issues bigger than the sun, and a sense of self entitlement that dwarfs most people from the Hilton family.

So I am done, if you want to talk to me, I am here but I am no longer going to make the effort to get emotionally invested with you guys. Each time I do it comes back and takes chunks out of my ass….and there isn’t much left

So go sell crazy somewhere else…we are all stocked up here.

The past

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 06:35:30 GMT

I did something funny today. Today I was fixing a computer problem for my friend and it required some digging on the computer. However in the course of doing so I cam across a great deal of files and photos and videos I haven’t viewed in a LONG time.

It’s odd looking back at these images, reading these files and watching these movies. It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like it happened to me. I mean on one hand I know these things happened, I mean the proof is right there and I can’t really argue with it.

However on the other hand, it doesn’t feel like it happened to me, it feels like it happened to someone else, someone I know but not me. It’s a very odd sensation. I am not sure what it means.

I mean what I am looking at did not have a good ending (like most good things in my life) and when I think of other bad things or indifferent things that happened in the past I get the same disconnected feeling. Is it just me? Is it like an adaptation of the brain to try and remove itself from something that is unpleasant in its past? Or is it just how memory works.

I try and think of the things that have ended on a good note to try and compare the thoughts and I don’t have any to compare them too. Maybe this is because all that is good in my life is still here, like the people and places and things. Or maybe nothing can ever truly end on a good note for me (not in the “oh woe is me” sense but more in how I see things, I cant see something ending well so even if it does my brain spins it so it is poor).

Its odd I guess, being disconnected from ones past…is this something I just experience or have you guys felt this way about some memories and past events.

A message from the Irish people

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 01:09:06 GMT

*Taps on microphone*

ahem

On behalf of the irish people. I would like to apologize for one George O'Malley. He does not represent the irish people. I mean we may be drunks and we may be violent but we are not that STUPID. I mean how did he learn human speech please tell me....My god he is just @*$#*#@(%$%^$#^*$%^($#^*)(%$#&(%$)&(*)^%$*&)^%$#*$%*&^)$%*........

*ahem*

That is all

Its been awhile but I have been busy

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 06:34:20 GMT

So where have I been

I have been around I guess, doing what I normally do. I have knocked a few things off my travel list and have a few interesting stories to share with people about my grand old time in old Montréal (I only share stories live) and in 3 days I go to Ireland, that’s right people I am finally going…….and yes I hate to disappoint but I am also coming back sorry.

I feel a bit stoked and a bit nervous…..I mean this is where I come from, this is home in the most primal of senses…..it feels very surreal…but I am going to take lots of pictures and videos and put them up here and you can check them out once I get back along with a story or 2 in person.

Moving on to other more interesting thoughts I have been having recently:

I graduate in 4 months….I am done ALL my main schooling in 4 months…walking away with 2 very expensive pieces of paper…..its a very weird feeling.

I mean on the one hand its kind of good to be done with school, I mean at the ripe old age of 23 I feel a bit behind where I should be; I mean I should be doing something more important with my life than going to school. I should be out there making a life for myself.

On the other hand I feel young….I mean some days I wake up and feel like I should be going to high school or something…I mean I will be done school….that makes me an adult doesn’t it??? I don’t feel like one, I just feel like me.

Its not that I am not ready, I mean give me 4 months or 4 years, I don’t think my readiness will be any different. I don’t know I just feel odd. I mean I am walking away from school, I have been in school for a good 18+ years…and now I am done….its very odd…..

So what’s next for ol’ Johnny boy? In all honesty I don’t know…..

I mean yes I am going to try and get a job in my field and do the traveling I have planned and all that sort of stuff, but beyond that….do I have any long term plans…..I do and I don’t.

I mean one day I would like to get married and have kids and have the whole sub-urban experience…..but how do you plan for that…I mean to say “I am going to get married by the age of ___” seems very odd to me. I mean if you get married you do, if you don’t you don’t. To impose your will on the universe on that sort of matter feels wrong. There are things I want to have and to do and to experience and all that sort of stuff, but they are things you can’t really plan for (according to me at least)

So where does that leave me….I don’t know….right now is a very odd and tough time in my life, I have more choices and potential in my life than any other real point and it’s a bit overwhelming but also annoying because I look at some of the options and ask myself do I really want that…and more often than not I simply don’t have an answer…not even a smart ass one which is odd for me

I guess I am just rambling….I will bounce; I know that…….ah well I guess we shall see….

Moving on to more interesting thoughts of late I would like to talk about the idea of friendship.

Now this past year and bit has taught me more about what it means to be someone’s friend and what it means to call someone friend….its all very humbling and I would like to go into that.

To be someone’s friend is truly an awesome responsibility, I mean to be someone’s friend means that you have to be there for them when they need you if you can. To be there not only for when things are going well but to also be there when things are bad…that’s the harder one I think cause I mean people have bad days and a friend being there for a bad day is no big deal, but what about if yours having a bad month? A bad year? Can you stand with someone and help them when that happens? When you’re in for the long haul? It’s a tough question I think we all have to answer.

Another of the more interesting things about friendship is that it is truly a gift. A real gift. It's given with no expectations and no gratitude is needed, not between real friends. How many people can say they have that? How many people can truly say that they can give a part of themselves to a person and have no expectations about it, and not expect any gratitude? It’s hard because people by and large like to deal in exchanges and this isn’t an exchange, it’s a gift and it’s harder to give than it is to receive. I mean its easy to give time and to give money and to give objects, but to give like this requires something more than that, this require a part of you something you can never truly get back or take back. How many people can say they have that, I mean deep down in your heart of hearts know you have this with other people? I know I have it with a few people, and it’s a very awe inspiring experience.

There is another thing I realized about friends is that you have to take an interest in them. I mean to be someone’s friend you kind of need to know what is going on in their life. I mean if you’re someone’s friend you should have some idea of what they are doing or what they are up to or where their current interests and intents lie, but this is also tricky. I mean on the one hand you need to ask questions about their life, there comings and going cause as a friend you should have a rough idea plus their life should be of interest to you. However on the flip side prying to much can get annoying, it makes you seem like a bit of a busy body. That’s a problem I have I guess, I always ask questions, what people are doing, how they are doing, why they are doing the things they are doing. I do it because I care, I do it because as a friend I am interested in their life but I realize I can go over top, a lot and its something I have to work on but no matter how much work I do I think I am going to always ask questions, maybe its because I am curious, but I would like to think it is because I care.

The last key thing I think I really came to understand this year about being someone’s friend is that you have to care. I mean on a very basic and primitive but also powerful level you have to care about them. I mean it is easy to say we care but it is harder to actually show we mean it. Case in point; one time this year a friend of mine was very pissed at me and me at her for semi good reasons on both sides and there was a point where we got into a heated debate. Now I wanted to work through it, to me it seems like the most logical thing, you work through the argument and come to a resolution. They on the other hand decided that it would be best if we didn’t talk for a while. Now to me that seems incredibly immature, it’s akin to running away. But we did just that. We didn’t really talk for like a whole month and it was tough on both of us. But in the end it worked out.

Now you might ask what this has to do with caring you might ask and here it is: during this not talking time I was tempted to send them an email to try and fix things the way that made the most sense and that was best for me. In the end I didn’t send the email simply because it mattered to them that we had this space, that we didn’t talk, to allow them to work their issues and then come back to me on their own terms. Had I sent the email or tried to phone or whatever it would have shown I didn’t care about their feelings and how they dealt with stuff and how they like to do things. To this day I still think my method makes more sense however that is trumped by how much I care about what they need and what they want. Yes I realize that it makes me a big of a big hearted idiot, but you know what…I have never stated that I was anything else….I care a lot about the people in my life, friends, family, and lovers. I care about them and I understand now more than ever that if I care about them as much as I claim I sometimes have to put their needs and how they do things over my own way.

It’s interesting to be friends with people and to call people my friends. Its scary, its amazing, its wonderful, its heart-breaking, its simply incredible.

So to this my friends I would say:

• Accept me when I am crazy or depressed or just being me, because even in those moments I am still looking out for you and you are on my mind even when I seem to be focusing too much on me.
• Have patience with me as I try and learn some temperance, if I ask fewer questions about you it doesn’t mean I care less, I am just going to start to ask the right questions. I will always have an interest in your life as you will have in mine.
• Know that even when I may act otherwise (mainly because I am oblivious) I am truly grateful for your friendship and I simply wouldn’t trade it for anything.
• I may think you’re an idiot and sometimes I may call it as I see it, but that doesn’t mean for one second I don’t have your back, that doesn’t mean I don’t care. All it means is I disagree with you, but I will still help you and support you anyway I can.
• There is no need to worry about forgiveness, ask and it is yours. We all screw up; we all make mistakes and hurt people. You will do things to hurt me and I will do things to hurt you, its part of being human. Friendship isn’t about always getting along, sometimes it’s simply about the ability to forgive and ask for forgiveness for our own mistakes.

That’s about it for tonight people….its late and I have to get up early tomorrow so I shall say adue and I shall see you all soon (either before or after I go away and come back)

- Jon

Stolen from Ryans LJ

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 15:54:32 GMT

--THE BASICS--
[name]: Jonathan Alexander Smelcer
[birthdate]: May 13th 1983
[sex]: Male
[relationship status]: Single
[shoe size]: 12
[parents still together]: God no
[siblings]: Erin
[pets]: Gizmo, Joel

--FAVORITES--
[colour]: Green/silver
[number]: 13
[time of year]: Fall
[type of weather]: Cool but still sunny
[food/drink]: Seafood, Lemonade

--DO YOU--
[twirl your hair]: nope
[have any tattoos]: not answering
[cheat on tests]: nope
[like scary movies]: good ones yes
[like cleaning]: nope
[know how to drive a standard]: i can drive stick
[own a cell phone]: Yup
[collect anything]: Tons of stuff

--HAVE YOU EVER--
[been in a fist fight]: Yes
[considered a life of crime]: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

[considered being a hooker]: I cant live on 35c a week
[been in love]: yes
[made out with just a friend]: nope
[hurt someone you love]: yes
[kicked someone in the nuts]: yes

--CURRENT--
[clothing]: Blue shirt, kaki shorts and sandels
[hair]: shaved
[song you are in love with]: As bad as I am
[cd in your stereo]: Don’t have a stereo
[mood]: unhappy and depressed (yay for variety)
[thing you ought to be doing]: I don’t know

--LOVE--
[first crush]: long time ago
[first kiss]: around the same time as the first question
[first love]: longer time ago
[do you believe in love at first sight]: Yes
[do you believe in "the one"]: yes for other people, me not so sure
[are you a tease: nope
[would you ever commit yourself to someone 100%]: yes

--ARE YOU--
[honest]: yes
[sarcastic]: yes
[a daydreamer]: always
[up tight or laid back]: laid back
[messy or organized]: messy
[shy our outgoing]: outgoing

--RANDOM--
[nervous habits]: play with my bracelet
[are you double jointed]: yes
[can you roll your tongue]: yes
[do you make your bed daily]: no
[which shoe goes on first]: right

--IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU--
[bought something]: yes
[been sick]: nope
[sang]: yes
[missed someone]: everyday for the rest of my life
[gotten drunk]: nope
[gotten a haircut]: shaved my head
[watched cartoons]: yes
[been kissed]: yes.
[lied]: yup

--LAST PERSON THAT--
[you spent the night with]: The dog, if you meant human then ummm ya
[spent the night with you]: I don’t get this one
[saw you cry]: cant remeber
[made you cry]: joel, from laughing so hard
[you said "i love you" to]: joel
[told you they loved you]: same

--WHAT IS--
[the best feeling in the world]: That nice relaxing feeling when you are warm in bed and it is freezing out and you don’t have to go out

[the worst feeling in the world]: this one
[your greatest fear]: that I am right, I hope I am not but I think that I am
[the thing you want most in life]: peace

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
My Credit card, thankfully its been paid off for awhile
2. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
On a beach
3. Last time you Puked from Drinking?
I don’t drink, but the last time I puked was a while ago
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Drunk never, danced in a bar last weekend
5. Name of your First Grade Teacher?
Ms. Harrismchuk
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Relaxing somewhere nice
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I don’t remember
8. How many colleges did you attend before you settled on the one you graduated from?
One plus still in university
9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
Cause it matched my pants
10. Gas Prices! First Thoughts?
Glad I own a bike
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would you go and who?
Hmm tough question…I will get back to you
12. First Thought When the alarm went off this morning?
Why
13. Last thought before Falling asleep last night?
Well that was odd
14. Favorite style of Underwear?
none
15. Favorite style of Underwear for the opposite sex?
none =D
16. What errand/chore do you despise?
cleaning my room
17. If you didn't have to work would you?
Travel, try and make something of my life
18. Get up early or sleep in?
S.L.E.E.P. I.N
19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes
20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with someone?
Walk and talk
21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
I am afraid of heights
22. What was your First Car?
Don’t have one
23. Your Best Your Mamma Joke?
THEY SUCK
24. Your Favorite Lunch Meat?
Soup or sushi
25. What do you get everytime you go into a Wal-Mart?
Directions on how to get out of wal-mart
26. Beach Or Lake?
Lake
27. Do you think Marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
Not really, depends
28. Who do you stalk on myspace?
Look……its not stalking…..its more following without them knowing
29. Favourite Guilty Pleasure?
Pecan Pie
30. Favourite Movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
See if I told you people would know
31. What's your drink?

Lemonade, OJ, Watermelon Wiggle, The stuff I make
32. Cowboys or Indians?

Indians

33. Cops or Robbers?
Robbers…..I love the movie heat
34. Do you cheer for the bad guy?
Sometimes
35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?
Physically: Neil Patrick Harries Mentally: QT
36. If you had to pick one which cast member of Lost would you be?
Locke
37. What do you want when you are sick?
Sleep and want to be left alone
38. Who from High School would you like to run into?
Too many people
39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Sattilite Radio
40. Stiffler or Oz?
Oz
42. Norm or Cliff?
Cliff
43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The simpsons.
44. Worst Relationship Mistake that you wish you could take back?
hmmmm Cant think of one I want to share
45. Do you Like the Person who sits directly across from you at work?
Sure
46. If you could get away with it who would you kill?
Ok any suit at fox studious, Paris Hilton, Steven Segal, The entire cast of 7th heaven
47. What Famous person would you like to have dinner with?
hmmmm romantic: Kirsten Kurek, Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway To just chat: Michael Mann, QT, Robin Williams
48. What famous Person would you like to sleep with?
Kirsten Kurek
49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Yes
50. Last book you read for real?
Backyard Ballistics (Almost blew up the house too) Thanks Andria
51. Do you have a teddy bear?
One yes
52. Strangest Place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Guelph UC bathroom
53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
The E3
54. Number of texts in a day?
10+
55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
Realtionship
56. Do you go to church?
Nope
57. Pencil or Pen?
Pen
58. Describe your favourite day.
I did a LJ about this once
59. How many jobs have you had?
12+
60. What would be your "dream job"?
I don’t know, lets go with director right now
61. Independance
Sure
1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
At work

2. Who are you in love with?
No one really, unless count Lana
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
Likely
4. Have you ever been drunk?
Nope
5. When was the last time you went to the mall?
About 2 weeks ago
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
no
7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
Nope
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
Under advice of my lawyer I am not going to answer this question
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
yup
10. What are you listening to right now?
The sound of fans
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water
12. What are you wearing right now?
Blue dress shirt, Kaki Shorts and Sandels
13. Who do you think you are?
Jon
14. Last food that you ate?
Dry Oatmeal
15. Where were you last week at this time?
Here.
16. do you like someone?
Yeah
17.Does anyone like you?
Nope
18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Soccer
19. What is your favorite animal?
Bears Ferrets, maybe otters
20. Your dream vacation?
Calagry then train to BC, the over to Auz for a month….hey look I am doing that
21. Last person's house you were in?
Mine
22. How old are your parents?
56/52
23. Have you been in love?
yes
24. Last disappointment?
People
25. Any pictures around you?
Nope
26. What do you think about james blunt?
I like him as a singer
27. What jewelry are you wearing?
Necklace, braclet and watch
28. What are your plans for the day?
Working then working out
29. Are there any sharp objects around you?
Lots
30. Ever go to camp?
Yes
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
Nope
32. What do you want to know about the future?
Lots of things, but I wont get the answers that are real so I don’t ask
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Axe body spray
34. Favorite Starbucks drink?
Don’t have one
35. Where are your best friend(s)?
Lets see 11 am, I would say alseep
36. What are you angry about right now?
Myself
37. Do you have a tan?
No
38. What are you listening to right now?
Fans
39. Any new bands you've been listening to?
Some indie and alternative stuff
40. Where do you wish you were right now?
away
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
yes
43. What does your last text message say?
“Thanks for the help hun”
44. Do you like hot sauce?
Nope
45. Last thing you said?
Lets give them a fine or something
46. Do you need to do laundry?
Nope
47. What is your heritage?
English, Irish, Scottish and German
48. Are you someone's best friend?
I hope so
49. What do you think of rice crispy blocks ....
Not bad
50. What do you think of the person who took this survey before ?
I cant believe that SOB is getting married

Truth-
1. Do you like anyone?: Yes
2. Do they know it? Yes but it wasn’t my idea
3. Simple or complicated? Very complicated.

In the Last Month-
4. Gotten drunk: nope
5. Bought anything: yup
8. Felt dumb?: Everyday
9. Talked to an ex? nope
10. Missed someone? For the rest of my life
11. Failed a test: No
12. Ate cereal: yes
13. Threw up like crazy?: Yes
14. Got your hair cut?: shaved my head
15. Made out?: nope
Unique-
16. Nervous habits?: play with my bracelet
18. Can you roll your tongue?: yes
19. Can you raise one eyebrow?: yes
20. Can you cross your eyes? yes
21. Do you make your bed daily: ..no
22. Do you think you are unique? Yup
Have you Ever-
23. Given money to a homeless person?: Yes
24. Said "I Love you" and meant it?: yes
26. Waited all night for a phone call?: ...yes
27. And never got it?:yeah
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: Daily, especially on sundays
Manners-
29. Do you swear?: a little bit
30. Do you ever talk back to people?: Yes.
31. You cook your own food?: Too often
32. You do your own chores?: Yes
34. You like pepsi or coke?: Pepsi
35. You're happy with your hair?: Long story
38. Do you like to swim?: yes
39. When you get bored do you call a friend?: sometimes
40. Are you patient?: No
Do you Prefer-
41. Flowers or candy?: Candy
42. Gray or black?: Gray
43. Color or black and white photos?: Depends
44. Red or Black?: Black
45. Lust or Love?: Love
46. Winter or Summer? Winter
48. Ice cream or Cake?: Cake
49. Christmas or Thanksgiving?: Christmas
50. Day or night?: Night
SUMMER survey!
Pool OR Jacuzzi: Pools
Ocean OR Pool: Ocean
Ice cream OR Popsicles: Ice cream
Lemonade OR Ice Tea: Lemonade
Flip Flops OR Tennis Shoes: Flip Flops
Shorts OR Skirts: Shorts….DO I look Scottish to you
Fans OR Air conditioning: AC
Sprinklers OR slip n slide: Sprinklers
Water Balloon fight OR Water gun fight: Water guns
LAST SUMMER:
Where did you go: No where
Who did you hang with: everyone!
Did you do anything illegal: Yep.
Did you go to a concert: Not last summer, but I did go last spring
What was your best memory: Mine
THIS SUMMER:
Where are you going: Montreal, Ireland, Peterbrough (for something personal)
Who will you hang with: people
Will you go to a concert: Probably not

Welcome to Jon-Travel 200.com

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 18:35:48 GMT

Well all I have been doing some thinking and planning and have decided on my travel plans for the next little bit, so I am going to share them with you. The following are plans that I am going to do for sure (barring any unforeseen circumstances or anything), the only thing that might change a wee bit would be the actual dates, but they are approximately right:

Montreal: I am headed here about the middle of next month (that being July for those like me who forget the month from time to time). I am headed out with the people from Sheridan. The reason I am going, well its 2 fold. First off I have never been and I have always wanted to go so why not. And the other reason is next summer I am going across Canada (more on that later) but instead of missing one of the great cities and instead of doubling back (going from T.O to Montréal and then all the way back and then further across Ontario we are just going to do the city in one weekend.

Ireland: This one has been on the books for awhile and I finally got everything all set up. I am headed out the second week in august and going for about 7-10 day (depends a bit on money). I am going with my best friend who is helping me into the bar and club scene (side note I am doing better at that scene, its interesting to say the least). I have always wanted to go, have been planning on going for about 2 years now, granted the people that wanted to come has changed a wee bit over those 2 years but never the less I am off. Plus I may do some job hunting over there….we shall see.

Across Canada: This I am going around April/May next year. It’s a road trip with the guys from Sheridan. We are going to go there through Canada, not the states (Its Canada, I want to see it not go around it) not flying (again go through it not over it). We are going to be hitting a few of the major cities and make sure we are in Calgary in time for the stampede and stop when we hit the pacific. While in B.C I am also going to do some job hunting but it doesn’t end there.

Australia: When in B.C as the guys begin to head back, I am going to “puddle jump” to Australia. I have always wanted to see that place. The great barrier reef, the out back, Urula rock. I am told it is like no other place in the world and I plan on seeing that for myself. I am probably going to be down there for a month and a bit, not to sure. I will go until the money runs out, that’s my best plan.

Japan: A friend of mine is going to be doing there 6 month co-op in Japan and invited me to stay with him. Now this isn’t normally a country that’s high on my too see list but, I have a place to stay, some cash to burn and plus they have a lot of things I want to see like the singing beaches. Plus it would be neat to go to a country where I don’t speak the primary language and to see a culture that is so radically different than my own. It’s an experience that I am not about to pass up.

That’s about it I guess. I mean there may be the odd detour here or there, but in a nut shell these are my travel arrangements for the next little bit.

Will things change? Maybe, maybe not, maybe I will find a reason not or to delay it. I mean things come up that’s life, but right now this is the plan.

Are people welcome to come? Sure, if you want to come and are serious about it, feel free this is an open invitation. Tell me when and where and if you want to make a side trip and we can work something out, cause traveling by myself is cool for some of it, but traveling with people is always more fun.

Why are you doing this? Well this is kind of a 2 part-er. The first reason is because I can afford to and I have the money to do so. I mean right now I don’t have any real responsibilities aside from school and work, but once I am done school and get a wee bit more money from work I can kind of say bye to them for a bit, this is one of the few times I think that will be in my life where I can take advantage of that freedom and I figure if I can why not. The second is I have a sense of wanderlust right now, I need to travel, I need to see things, I need to go places and meet people. Its just something I need for my soul. Maybe to find a job in a new location and find a new home like I sometimes speak of or maybe I just need a change.

Will you bring me stuff: Sure why not, keep it smallish though, cause if enough people ask I wont be able to fit everything.

That’s about it I guess for now, I just felt like sharing this while I was bored at work

bye

Because I just found out they are cutting the GST by 1% this year

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 20:58:29 GMT

I read this after I found out today they are cutting the GST by 1% come sept and another percentage point by next year, so enjoy:

Dr. John Becker: Look, someone in your department shut down a residential care facility in my neighborhood and threw everyone out into the street. Now I'm here because I want something done about it!

Deputy Secretary: Wow. You sound pretty upset.

Dr. John Becker: Well, I am. You know, I've been on the phone all afternoon calling every city agency I can think of, and all I got was the typical beureaucratic runaround.

Deputy Secretary: Well that's terrible, you shouldn't have been treated like that.

Dr. John Becker: At least you see that.

Deputy Secretary: Well of course I do!

Dr. John Becker: Then you'll help me?

Deputy Secretary: Oh dear no.

Dr. John Becker: ...Well, maybe you didn't understand me...

Deputy Secretary: No, I understood you perfectly. You've discovered a social injustice, and as a concerned citizen you've come to your government to demand some action.

Dr. John Becker: Exactly!

Deputy Secretary: It's not gonna happen. But that look on your face, oh, that took me back! What was that, righteous indignation? I used to feel like that when I first started working here forty-two years ago.

Dr. John Becker: Yeah, well - you've been in this office forty-two years?

Deputy Secretary: Yeah. Same desk, same fake plant, same window. Doesn't open. None of them do. Otherwise we'd all jump out. But you
were saying?

Dr. John Becker: Look, I told you! Either reopen the facility, or make some arrangements to take care of these people!

Deputy Secretary: And I told you, I can't help.

Dr. John Becker: But you're the deputy secretary of social services!

Deputy Secretary: It's just a title.

Dr. John Becker: Dammit! Look, listen - you're in charge here, you're responsible, you work for the city!

Deputy Secretary: You're not listening! I can't help. Nobody can help. That facility is not going to reopen, and I'll tell you why: there is no money! There's no money because the federal government cut taxes, which is all anybody seems to care about anymore. That means less money for the state, which means less money for the city, which means we had to cut services, which means fewer cops, fewer firemen, bad air, bad water and crappy schools which will turn out another generation of voters too stupid and greedy to care about anything else besides cutting taxes! So don't you come in here and tell me to fix your problem, because there's not a DAMN THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!... Where did that come from?

3 Things I just felt like listing

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 05:35:59 GMT

Three things I was taught about life and the conflicts you find in life:

1. If someone pulls a knife on you, you pull a gun. If someone send you to the hospital, send them to the morgue

2. Whenever you go into a fight or a conflict or an endeavour, always keep in mind that there is a chance that you may lose and may lose big. However if your going to lose make sure you lose your way, on your terms.

3. If your going to do down, make sure you go down swinging. That way you make take something down with you, or you may just hit something that allows you to stand right back up.

Ok warning to all those relgious people I might offend you here

Tue, 16 May 2006 19:03:59 GMT

Ok so I was sitting at work today and just surfing the web and found something that both made me angry but also made me laugh in a very dry bitter way. On MSNB.Com they put up a story around the controversy of the Da Vinci Code and the beginning of the article said something and it totally blew me back, here’s what it said:

“’The Da Vinci Code’ has undermined faith in the Roman Catholic Church and badly damaged its credibility, a survey of British readers revealed”

So let me get this straight, you guys have pedophiles as priests and not only hide them but pay off families to avoid prosecution. You keep women out of the clergy. You take a stance of noninvolvement during the holocaust. You have poor starving people outside the gold laced church at St. Peters square. You guys do all this and this one book is what undermines your faith and badly damages your credibility? When this book came out tell me what credibility did you have left……I mean come on.

It’s a book, it’s a novel, its fiction…..come on. I mean yes it comes up with ideas about people (Jesus being married and what not but then again he was a rabbi and during those times most rabbis were married…but that’s beside the point), it sparks debate and interest in your religion, so let it be. Let people become curious about it let them come to you with question and you can show them your side and then let them find their own path. Or let them believe in the book, let them think he was married and maybe had off spring, cause you can’t prove that he didn’t.

I mean if you were to say it’s not in the bible keep in mind the bible contains 4 gospels out of a large number (I think its like 28 or 48 or something) so at best we have a slightly narrowed view of what happened.

I say let the people enjoy the book and the movie. Let it spark their interest in things and let it make them want to read other materials about Da Vinci or Jesus or the idea of the Holy Grail. Just them make up their own minds before you condemn it as hearsay because let yee who is without sin throw the first stone (see the child molesting/homeless/women/holocaust example if you think you are without sin)

Is it july yet.......

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 04:58:46 GMT

http://www.dvdactive.com/news/releases/carnivale2.html

OMG I can't wait......Is it july yet

How about now.......

Now......

gah......stupid waiting.....

Sweet sweet carnivale you have come back to me..........

Something I swiped from Andria....Swiper Swiped it (I have been haning out with Joel jr. to much)

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 21:43:46 GMT

Five Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me:

5. I am terribly afraid of heights and of nothingness. I have gone up the CN tower a few times, and will be going up again soon and it always freaks me out. Anything above say 50 feet in the air and I start to get nervous. However I can climb higher than that and be fine, its just the second I get to the top I freak out. And for the nothingness, I mean I fear oblivion, I fear space, you know a vast amount of nothing…..sensory depravation is very freaky to me….I don’t know where either of these fears come from.

4. I can read Latin. I can’t write it or speak it, but if you give me a few phrases in Latin or a book or a sentence I can figure out what it means. I don’t mean with perfect accuracy or anything but I can give you the general idea and the key points. This is something my Uncle Jeff taught me.

3. I have a good understanding of human biology and medicine and can fix people up relatively easily or at least give enough of a stop gap to keep them around for a bit longer. The majority of this knowledge is self taught, self experimentation and some of it is just some instinctive knowledge

2. I don't like large crowds of people. I prefer to be in smaller groups, when I get in large crowds I have a tendancy to just try and figure a way out of them and am very quite.

1. I like building things. Most times if I am bored you will find me puttering around making something. In the past I have made small engines, lamps, boxs, model race cars, furniature, and currently I am making a few things like a mini green house with solar panels, a catapult and some other cool stuff like that (assuming I get a certain book from a certain someone....hint hint). However most times I dont follow the directions step by step, I mainly use them as a guide and use my gut inorder to build it and in many cases improve on it.

The more things change the more the stay the same

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 20:10:04 GMT

Ok So ya

I may start posting again it all depends on how a certain deal comes about.

In the mean time heres something that I would like alot of people to respond to (stolen from andira):

My name:

Who is the love of my life:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name:

How long have you known me:

When is the last time that we saw each other:

Do I smoke:

Do I drink:

What was your first impression of upon meeting me/seeing me:

What's one of my favorite things to do:

Am I funny:

What's my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

Do I have any special talents:

Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what):

Have you ever hugged me:

What is my favorite food:

Have you ever had a crush on me:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

What's your favorite memory of me:

Who do I like right now:

What is my worst habit:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing I would bring?

Are we friends:

Do you want us to be more than friends?

Will you repost this so I can do it for you?

Ok well I know I said it before but

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 20:00:35 GMT

Hey all

Yes I know I said my last post was my last post on here which is true. However I still do check LJ for my friends to see what they are posting and some debates and what not.

However If you really want to know what is going on with me the best way to check that out (aside from doing something normal-ish like say talking to me) would be to check out my msn space.

On there I have tons of pics, and lists and working libary of must of my music and I am looking at putting my whole book libary up there when I get a chance.

Just thought I would let you guys know I am still around and still writing somewhere, and still checking out LJ for others.

Thats about it

So again

Bye Bye

Jon

Last LJ Ever

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 09:25:20 GMT

You know I never considered my self much of a writer. I mean from time to time I would write pieces and submit them to various place and sometimes they would get published and sometimes they wouldn’t. Sometimes they were forgotten and sometimes they caused a bit of a fuss, heck even a few times I have gotten the odd money or reward for some things I have written, but no where in the esteem or other Irish writers (we cant all win national competitions Lewis). But I have always found writing to be a good outlet for me, on my computer there are a couple full novels, tons of rants and short stories about various things (and when I say novels I mean things going to 450 pages) and this live journal has always been something that I have considered to be a great outlet and also a bit of a problem.

Having it out there allowed me to get some feed back and causes discussion, but I also feel guilty if I don’t post much because I feel I should. However since interest in it has dried up for other people I don’t feel there is much reason to keep it. So this will be my last entry and it is going to be an interesting and long one, so yee be warned.(however I will still check my friends list because I am a bit of a busy body).

You know I think and I have been told that I am a difficult person to know, and you know I think it may be right. A long time ago I was very different; I mean I had a completely different personality than what most people see. I had hope and joy and a sense of naiveté wonder about things. Then some things happen and the whole thing sort of changed, and in stead of being vague I am just going to come out and say what happen. I all happened in grade 5, in the course of 15 months I lost 3 people who meant the world to me and my whole family changed.

First my uncle Jeff died at the age of 35 of Aids related cancer. He was one of the sweetest men you would ever meet. I mean he was kind and gentle and wouldn’t harm a fly, but throughout his life he suffered because of who he was; he was gay. No when you think that may not be a big deal I want you to keep in mind he was gay during the 80’s during the cold war and during Regan, before shows like will and grace were widely accepted. And there were times he was hospitalized because people beat him because he was gay. I mean they beat him so much he didn’t resemble a human being. The odd thing about him was though, he was never mad, he never had an unkind word for those people even though some of us (not me at the time I was like under 10) wanted their blood, he just said people are who they are and you have to let them be. The man was something (my mom jokes he was the only one she liked out of my dads family, and its funny because he was the abnormal one). But towards the end he suffered for a long time. He spent about the last 2-3 years of his life in a pain that could only be described as hellish and he did it before a lot fo the designer drug were made, but he fought and fought and fought. There are many reasons he did this, some of which are unknown to all of this, but the important one was family, he wanted to be there to be with those he loved even it meant suffering. I owe this man more than you can ever imagine, not only did his life and philosophy influence my behavior but in his death he gave me the opportunity that few have, he left me and Erin both some money for our education, which has paid for it all. This gift was given under the soul understanding we use it for our education (if we didn’t it would go to charities) but also he taught me about the nobility of one man and fighting even when you’re losing. It’s not so much what you fight for, but it’s the fact you fight even when you are going to lose.

After Jeff a few months later my grand father died, he was about 65. He died suddenly however it was not unexpected, his health was poor and he knew his time was winding down. I could say a great deal about the man, but I don’t think I knew him well enough to give him any great insight, I can just say he was an odd man, set in his ways but always believed in living with the time you have.

Finally there was Joel Sr. He died at the age of 16 shortly after my grandfather died. He took his own life with a shot gun. Now this one had the deepest impact on all of us because it made no real sense. Here you have a kid who was smart, talented, popular, athletic, good looking and from a good family with no real problem. And just one day many Octobers ago he just took his own life without rhyme or reason. There was no warning no explanation nothing. We all felt this loss differently than the other. This one punched us in the gut, because unlike Jeff and Grandpa, we had no clue this was coming and I can say this whole has never really healed. But the one hurt most of this was Erin. This death put Erin on the path she is own now and the path she is on, well its not going to end well, and it is sad because before this, well she was different.

After this the family dynamic changed, people drifted apart, my uncle and his wife got a divorce, Erin fell of the deep and well my parents split up. And where did this leave me, well that explanation is not that simple.

I mean out of all the things that happened after the death (including the above stuff) I think the things that effected me the most was Erin going off the deep end and my parents splitting up, but both not in ways you would think.

With Erin it is more of a two fold thing. First there was a sweetness to her that kind of died. I know most find it hard to believe that or to hear my say that but its true. But the main thing about that was because Erin wasn’t as “strong” as the rest of us she kind of fell into a dark place and kind of demanded more time and attention that is usually give to 5 people. So where did that leave me, alone. I mean don’t get me wrong my parents looked after me and did the best they could, but the majority of my memories after Joel died was: “Jon seems to be doing ok maybe we should talk to him…….wait what happened with Erin” or just different variations of that. At the ripe old age of 11 I had to grow up and not only find a way to cope on my own but also try and keep people from tearing themselves apart due to things. And this is a role that I still continue, this is something that I still do, I keep to myself a lot and try to keep people happy, and it has cost me more than most would imagine. I mean I missed being young, being silly, being cared for and I think a lot of the time that’s what I look for in things and why at times I can seem needy, I just never had that experience and I like it when I matter, when people care about me and from time to time put me first.

The other thing was my parents splitting up. I mean my dad cheated on my mom its is quite common knowledge among the family (and it isn’t the first time he cheated on someone and sort of cemented my stance on you never cheat, this is something I believe and do regardless on what others think and say that I do *coughkirancough*) It also showed me things in my parents. It showed that me that my mother babies and forgives Erin because she thinks Erin is weak and since I am not I am kind of left alone and just used for grunt labor. I mean I get more rights than most and a lot more latitude for things but generally I am just kind of there. As for my dad, well he isn’t a giver; he is more cornered with what I can do for him and how I affect his life. I mean if a dropped dead the other day he would be sad for maybe a few weeks and then he would carry on like nothing had changed. I know you may think that’s untrue and horrible, buts just the kind of person he is and I have made peace with that. This only reinforced a lot of the stuff that I mentioned above, but it also kind of made me a bit more closed off, because more often than not for good or ill I was caught in the middle about a lot of fights about Erin and money (and my dad not being involved in both)

So what can be said about those events? I mean they shaped a lot of what you see when you see me today (there is other stuff but only maybe 2-3 people know those things and it is going to stay that way due to the nature of them, and they aren’t people who read this or even have a LJ). I guess I can say that I haven’t had it easy, in my life I have lost more than most in hardener ways than most and have had things taken from me either by fate, or by people under the guise of righteousness or just plain dumb stupid luck.

But I think I am trying to change, I mean I am no longer into vengeance and I am trying to be a better person and I do believe in helping people, the thing is now I will not help everyone, I mean if you dying and stuff I will help you, but if I have been burnt by you I will do nothing to keep you down and prevent others from helping you, but before I will help bridges have to be mended and it must be genuine. I am more at peace than most but in the same sense I think I am more confused and hurt than most by a lot of things and the majority of the time right now I feel that I am stumbling around in the dark trying to find the right way, and even though sometimes I still fail, it doesn’t mean I am going to give up if I think it is worth it.

So keeping that in mind I have made a bunch of decisions about my life:

First off I have decided to resign from EAKS (Eventual Attack of the Killer Slackers). It would be easy to say that the reason for this is ascribed to a few individuals and what not, but I think there is more to it than that. I don’t feel the way I used to feel about the company and some of the people associated with it and that feeling is the main reason I wanted to be a part of it. The feelings about things is a big thing for me and because of recent events, words that have been said and certain actions undertaken I no longer feel the way I once did. Another key issue is the time issue. I work full time in Co-op, have other family responsibilities and some other personal issue that require my time right now and I looked at all of them and came to the conclusion that I can devote myself to the company in the way I would want to if I want to put my name on something that was made by it. So I guess this is it. I wish you all the best of luck from the depths of my heart. May you have as much success as you want but no more than you can handle.

The next thing is I plan on doing some traveling. This summer I am going home (The British Isle) and maybe a couple trips down into the states to visit some friends and family down there (not to mention hit Vegas and Seattle and maybe take in the E3). After that there is a cross Canada road trip with some people from college, then off to visit some friends down under and then hang out a bit with Nick when he does his Co-op term in Japan.

After that or during that I am getting the hell out of Mississauga. I mean I have lived here long enough and it no longer feels like home. I mean it once did, it once gave me this feeling of home, you know after a long trip you would see familiar sites and think “I am Home”, now when I see those things I think “Hey now I am closer to where I store my shit”. I maybe be living in T.O or maybe out in BC, it all depends. And just to get it out there, yes I will be living with my best friend who happens to be a woman. Yes she is a Woman, No we don’t date, No we never have, No there is nothing between us,. It is possible for 2 people of mixed genders to be best friends with each other without getting sex involved. (Grow up, accept the fact that I am growing up and that straight men have close female friends who are straight (ort in this case Bi) who are closer than a lot of their male friends and not be attracted to each other. (See the I never cheat thing and the coughing). Plus why ruin something like this when we both know it won’t end well. ) she is my best friend, someone who challenged me, someone who I can hate on minuet and love the next, someone who calls me on my B.S and I can call her on hers and we can talk to each other about our romantic lives without worrying of offending the other. I would not give up the chance to spend more time with someone like that just because it made others uncomfortable or they thought of me a certain way, that is their problem not mine.

I am still hurt about a lot of things, there are still days where it dominates my thoughts. Still times where I think how I was done wrong by people and how I am paying while others don’t and days where I crave justice. But you know I think there will always be days like that, but those people aren’t a part of my life anymore nor do I think they want to be and while this makes me sad, I guess I can just take in the fact that while others were false, I wasn’t. I will always treat people the way I have always treated them and if forgiveness is asked for and genuine it shall be given, I no longer hold grudges, I now know all that I need to know and I am happy with that.

I am going to take more chances and more risks, I am going to live more and not wait. When I think something is worth doing then I don’t care about what others will think or react I am going to due it for me.

I still believe in romance and love and am going to pursue this (right now I am London bound) and am not going to let one bad experience turn me off or close me in because in the end its not worth the cost to my soul, to my life and to my dreams.

So in closing dear readers I guess in a sense I am saying good bye to a lot of things about my life that people know or associate with me. If you still want to talk, to hang out with me, to know me, to call me friend you know how to get a hold of me and I welcome all.

Any comments in this LJ will be replied to, but bearing any other major life things this is my last entry. So I shall leave you with a line that I once hear about live and growing up that stuck with me:

“Things never turn out exactly the way you planned. I know they didn't with me. Still, like my father used to say, 'Traffic's traffic, you go where life takes you' and growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you're in diapers, the next you're gone, but the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a time a place, the things that happened in a decade of change. I remember a house like a lot of houses, a yard like a lot of yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. I remember how hard it was growing up among people and places I loved. Most of all, I remember how hard it was to leave. And the thing is, after all these years I still look back in wonder.”

May your lives always be filled with wonder and may you know there is always someone out there willing to help, all you have to do is call me and I will be there.

Yours very truly

Jonathan Alexander Smelcer